Ep 354 Oxytocin, Intimacy, and Fertility: A Sex Expert’s Guide with Susan Bratton
On this episode of The Wholesome Fertility Podcast, I am joined by intimacy expert and author Susan Bratton (@susanbratton) to explore the powerful connection between passion, pleasure, and fertility. Too often, trying to conceive becomes mechanical and stressful, leaving intimacy feeling like a chore. Susan brings her 20+ years of experience helping couples transform “having sex” into “making love” and shares practical tools to reignite joy and connection on the fertility journey.
We dive into her three keys to conception, relaxation, connection, and engorgement, and how practices like yoni massage, oxytocin-boosting foods, and conscious lovemaking can not only increase the chances of conceiving but also create a more vibrant and lasting intimacy. Susan also shares insights on male performance challenges, natural fertility-friendly products, and why cultivating oxytocin can be life-changing for both partners.
If you’ve been feeling like intimacy has become all about the baby-making schedule, this episode will give you a refreshing and empowering perspective on bringing back the romance and planting the seeds for a lifetime of passion.
Key Takeaways:
Why fertility often makes intimacy feel mechanical and how to shift that.
The three keys to conception from a sex expert’s perspective: relaxation, connection, and engorgement.
How yoni massage and nitric oxide support female arousal and fertility.
Oxytocin’s overlooked role in conception, joy, and long-term intimacy.
Practical tools to reduce stress, reignite pleasure, and support both partners through TTC.
Guest Bio:
Susan Bratton (@susanbratton), widely known as the “Intimacy Expert to Millions,” is a champion for lifelong passion and connection. She is the co-founder of Personal Life Media, creator of the Better Lover brand, and CEO of The20, a company producing organic and botanical supplements to support vitality. A best-selling author of over 40 books and programs, including Relationship Magic and Revive Her Drive, Susan has been featured on ABC, CBS, NBC, and is one of the most downloaded guests on countless podcasts worldwide.
Connect with Susan:
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Get your free bottle here!
Disclaimer: The information shared on this podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Please consult with your healthcare provider before making any changes to your health or fertility care.
For more information about Michelle, visit: www.michelleoravitz.com
Check out Michelle’s Latest Book: The Way of Fertility!
https://www.michelleoravitz.com/thewayoffertility
The Wholesome FertilityFacebook group is where you can find free resources and support: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2149554308396504/
Instagram: @thewholesomelotusfertility
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Michelle: [00:00:00] Welcome to the podcast season.
Susan: Hi, Michelle. I love what you're doing so much helping mommies become mommies. That's so great.
Michelle: Same. I'm so excited to talk to you today. I always start with an origin story, so I would love for you to introduce yourself, give us your background, and what got you into the work that you're doing.
Susan: Sure. I think it's probably something that's very relatable, but I wish it wasn't. I had been married to my husband for 11 years. I'd never had an orgasm from intercourse and I was avoiding him for sex and he was super sad and begging didn't work and honey dos didn't work. And I just wasn't, I just wasn't really, I just couldn't anymore, and I didn't wanna get divorced from him.
Susan: But [00:01:00] he thought there was something wrong with me and I thought there was something wrong with me. And little did we know, we just didn't know what we were doing.
Susan: Like everybody, because we don't get taught orgasmic love making. And so we did a couple things. We went to marriage therapy and that was okay.
Susan: Not great. They didn't know much about sex. We did a lot of personal growth work, which helped us become honest with each other, which was really helpful. And then we went to sex workshops and went, oh my God, I'm having fantastic sex now. I'm having orgasms. It was super easy to learn. Why don't, why would, why doesn't everybody learn this?
Susan: And that was what made my husband and I start a company two decades ago called Personal Life Media, where we brought the work of our mentors online so that any couple or single anywhere in the world who wanted to learn how to have heart connected, passionate. Conscious love making could [00:02:00] learn how easy the techniques are because our human operating system wants to have orgasmic pleasure. it. just doesn't know what to do until we do it. So that's what I've been doing, and I've been having super hot sex. It keeps getting better for the last two decades.
Michelle: Awesome. That's amazing. And it's true, it is common. It's more common than people realize, and I think people feel like they're alone and they don't realize that this is common. But not only that, we're on a fertility podcast and there's so many people who have this like whole time to mechanical, it's become so mechanical.
Michelle: It's just leading to baby. And that's become all it is. And sometimes I hear the husbands get frustrated, the women get frustrated. So it takes the joy out of the intimacy. So I think that this is such an important topic that we're gonna be talking about today, because I think a lot of people can relate.
Michelle: [00:03:00] Probably the majority of the patients that come into my office say the same thing and they feel like it's become. All about the baby and nothing like, it's just they don't have the energy, even also from all the stress to become more intimate. So I would love to talk about like what people can do to support that connection.
Susan: It is so easy. I'm gonna fix the problem in the next 40 minutes.
Michelle: I love that. Yes.
Susan: I call
Michelle: love you. You're fun.
Susan: Ah, oh girl. You don't even know. I call this sexy fertility, planting the seeds for a lifetime of passion. Super silly little title about this conversation, but I actually did a keynote. For a women's event, a women's fertility event, and it went so well that I decided [00:04:00] to have my publicist reach out to fertility podcasts like yourselves.
Susan: And man, we sent out one email to fertility podcasts and everybody was like, that's what we need. So it's huge. And I couldn't have done it without 20 years. Of teaching people how to transform, having sex into making love and all the little tips and tricks that I know for people not even trying to conceive, but who had gotten tired of having sex together.
Susan: They were in a sexless marriage that was not pleasurable for her or whatever. And it's really, really a ver pretty simple strategy. And, I think that's the most important thing is that you have, you're at a fork in the road when you're working on your conception. And yeah, it's stressful, but it's also an opportunity and it. really depends on your mindset and when you have the mindset, oh, I'm planting the seeds for a lifetime of passion through this process, [00:05:00] I'm gonna take.
Susan: Everything that we used to do and how we used to have sex is gonna go out the window and I'm gonna take a new a new reframe on what my sex life with my partner is like starting now, and it's just gonna keep getting better. Our whole lives long from here. That's what I'm really doing and what it really comes down to is that you have to schedule sex when you're trying to conceive because you gotta hit your ovulatory windows.
Susan: However, you, when sex experts come in and they're like, well, you just schedule sex and you have it, that'll fix the sex marriage problem. I'm like. That does not work 'cause she doesn't wanna do it. 'cause it's a chore. It's not pleasurable. It's a job, not a vacation. And so how do you turn it into. This incredible experience that you share together where you go through it and you're having so much fun that, number [00:06:00] one, it's easy to conceive 'cause you're having fun instead of stress being stressed out about it.
Susan: And number two, you actually look forward to the times when you have to try to make the baby and you end up having more times than you have to because you're having so much fun.
Susan: That's the trick, making it fun and pleasurable. And the way that you do that is through working on learning new skills together in the bedroom while you're trying to conceive.
Susan: So it's not, we have to have intercourse. It's, oh, let's try the heart tongue method. Let's try Hondo. Let's try Crouching tiger, hidden dragon. Let's try the feline grind. Let's try penis pivot. Let's try poi. Let's try this position, that position, this position, that position. Let's try to have an expanded orgasm date.
Susan: Let's start with yoni massage. Let's find [00:07:00] my G-spot. Let's do G-spot disarming. Let's try this sex toy. Let's do a lingerie photo shoot with me in some of, you know, holding teddy bears or whatever. Like the minute you start thinking about it as. Like a couple's project, an educational learning environment, and you move away from it being, oh, we've gotta have intercourse and I've gotta ejaculate inside you.
Susan: When you get out of the mechanics and you get into the pleasure, it really becomes fun. So some of the things that I want to talk about today are things like what I consider to be the three keys to conception from a sex expert's perspective. And I'd also like to talk about the benefits of oxytocin for fertility.
Michelle: Yes. I actually talk a lot about this and I love that you're bringing this up.
Susan: I wanna talk to you about it because that is interesting. I'm glad you are talking about that. [00:08:00] I also wanna talk about how to get her turned on what a woman's arousal. You know, profile is like compared to her male bodied partner and how to slow down to the female body's pace to get even further than you've ever gotten in your sex life.
Susan: When you go on a man's pace, you don't make it very far. It's like you burning out a bright star when you go on a woman's pace. It's like a supernova.
Michelle: Mm.
Susan: a nebula of supernovas. And then I would like to talk about a couple of different. Basically just some rules of thumb for having success. I think that would be really important too.
Susan: So I'm gonna give you the construct, give you some, give you some tools give you a download, a worksheet to work with. And I think that that would probably take us right through to the end of the show, if that, if [00:09:00] that sounds good
Michelle: That sounds amazing.
Susan: Okay. Good.
Michelle: I'm sure everybody's like, tell me please.
Susan: All right. Well, I would say, let's start with the three keys to conception. They are relaxation, connection, and engorgement. Does any of that surprise you that that's what I said?
Michelle: No, because I talk about the nervous system and, and I think that also the nervous system communicates. So all of these things as from my background, I'm all about, and nitric oxide and all of that. Yeah.
Susan: So the relaxation piece of it is very, very important because if you're stressed out, you're going to struggle to
Michelle: Mm-hmm.
Susan: and I really like yoni massage for relaxation. Are you familiar with Yoni Massage.
Michelle: Not as much.
Susan: Okay. So are you familiar with the word yoni?
Michelle: Yes.
Susan: Okay, [00:10:00] great. So for your listeners who might not be Yoni, YONI is a Sanskrit word that means the portal.
Susan: And it's really the word that I like to use for the female euro genital system. So instead of saying vagina, which is just the internal part, which feels kind of patriarchal to me because it doesn't include our pleasure areas of what, obviously the vagina's a pleasure area, but it's not the only one. So I also really like, you know, the clitoris, the urethral sponge, the perineal sponge, the labia, the clit hood, the mons, all of those.
Susan: Things need to be pleasured so that, you know, we we're very familiar with the fact that men have these erectile tissue structures in their penis. These three long tubes of spongy tissue that get erect very quickly when blood flows in, when, when it gets turned on. But we women have the same amount of erectile tissue that's in our men's [00:11:00] penises.
Susan: It's wrapped around our vaginal cavern. It starts at the clitoral tip, clitoral shaft, clitoral hood, the mons, the inner labia, the outer labia, the vestibule, the introital sphincter, the vaginal cavern, including the urethral sponge, which is called a G-spot sponge on the bottom and the entire vaginal.
Susan: System, including the cervical dome. Everything is extremely orgasmic when it's activated and it needs to be activated or waken up so that the nerves send signals to the brain. The somatosensory cortex, which is the part of the brain that processes the sensation as pleasure or pain or shame. Or numbness and you can transform the pain and shame and numb numbness into pleasure with loving touch.
Susan: So when you do a yoni massage, you're basically giving a, [00:12:00] giving a woman a genital massage. You're lying her down, you're holding her, you're kissing her, you're letting her get the, you know, the. The issues of her day, out of her system, talking about anything that needs to be cleared, having clearing conversations, checking in, connecting hearts, and then you can give her whatever she needs.
Susan: A foot rub, a neck rub a butt rub a belly rub, a breast massage, but you can also offer her a yoni massage. And yoni is basically. An external, and it can also be internal VUL vaginal massage using some nice oils. I like two ones that I really recommend. One of the things I don't like about lubes sexual lubricants are an FDA class two category of product, and they must be, they must have preservatives in them.
Susan: I don't mind that. I mean, there's some decent preservatives, but the [00:13:00] problem is that now lubes are kind of like our ultra processed foods. We used to use jojoba, cocoa butter, you know, things like that. Organic almond, avocado oil CBD oil, MCT oil, things like that. But then. The big brands got ahold of these things and they filled them with garbagey chemical crap.
Susan: And if you
Michelle: Parabens sometimes.
Susan: Yeah.
Susan: forever, chemicals, all kinds of things. If you don't, if you wouldn't put it in your mouth, don't put it in your yoni. Don't
Michelle: Yeah. And some of them are not fertility friendly.
Susan: knot at all. They're endocrine dis disruptors. They're disgusting. So there's two I like. This one is called. The Foria pleasure protocol, it's at pleasure protocol.com.
Susan: I can have this sent to you. It has these intimacy melts that melt up inside the vaginal canal so that. [00:14:00]
Susan: You don't have to try to get lube up there. 'cause when you're a little nervous, you're a little dry. And then their arousal oil goes on the outer vulval area to awaken that tissue. And then there's sex oil for all the slide and glide that you want.
Susan: I also like another product that's
Michelle: And those are sperm friendly.
Susan: yes, sperm friendly.
Michelle: Perfect.
Susan: This is nude Pleasures and this is my Lover's Bundle, and it includes, and I'll, I'll get you links for this and all this stuff. It gives you a CBD based intimacy oil. There's a little light fragrance from essential oils. That's it. And what I love about it is that it also comes with some libido, botanicals.
Susan: It comes with vitality and stamina. Supplements, they're a hundred percent natural. They're simply [00:15:00] botanicals and a mushroom complex. You can take them when you know you're moving into your window of fertility and it'll just help with blood flow, engorgement and desire.
Michelle: Nice.
Susan: I think that I'll take help from the plant kingdom.
Susan: Thank you very much for some natural products. So the Lovers Bundle, the pleasure protocol. These are very, very good products. Remind me at the end if you'd like to have them sent and I'll send them off to you. So I think relaxation is really how do you get her out of her head and into her body and settling her nervous system and lowering her cortisol.
Susan: You do that through relaxation and connection and a yoni massage and holding her really helps. It's not like you're just jumping in bed and. Sticking your penis inside her and pumping away and ejaculating. That's not what you want. You wanna make a baby [00:16:00] in a beautiful, heart connected environment. So that I think is really important because it's gonna open her heart and open her yoni and open her to the possibility of becoming with child the third.
Susan: Key to contraception is this engorgement getting all of that tissue really plumped up in her vul vaginal system in her yoni. By manually massaging with these oils. It's almost like a pleasure ritual that she can just relax into, because for him, it takes him two minutes to get an erection, but for her, it takes her about 20.
Susan: And that's because though we have the same amount of that spongy tissue that needs to fill with blood to increase more surface area, to send more signals Of pleasure to the big brain, our number one sex organ, we have them in nooks and [00:17:00] crannies, not in straight tubes, down a penis. And so they have to flow in and seep in, which is why nitric oxide is so important.
Susan: Men use these PDE five inhibitors like Viagra, LA Vitra, and Cialis, which help them open those channels and get that blood flowing in there. But for women, it's really also just very beneficial to take a nitric oxide supplement. So with your permission, I would like to give away of food derived organic food.
Susan: Fruit and vegetable derived nitric oxide supplement to heighten the blood flow, to increase the engorgement. So as the mom to be, we're getting our lady boner, our clal erection, our labial or plum, our labia are plumping up. [00:18:00] Everything's getting rich and luscious, and everything feels good. And it all works better.
Susan: Can I give a link for that? So you'd get a free bottle? I use this just on podcast. It's get flow now.com/the
Michelle: wholesome fertility.
Susan: the wholesome fertility.
Michelle: Yes, it's it's in the show notes if anybody wants to find it.
Susan: Yes. So it's just Get Flow now. That's the name of the The Product Flow Nitric oxy booster
Susan: Get flow free.com, the slash the wholesome fertility
Susan: and that'll get you a free bottle. And I would take those honestly. For as long as you want.
Susan: Because once your clitoris gets engorged and it feels as good as it feels, you're gonna be like, yeah, I'll be pretty much taking this every time I have [00:19:00] sex now. And you wanna take it at night or the morning, but you can also take it 20 minutes before love making, before your date. So relaxation, connection and engorgement are the three keys to contraception.
Susan: They both, they all three of those really help a lot.
Michelle: Awesome. I love that. And quick question. So we talk about the female, what if the, sometimes I have couples coming in and the male has a hard time with performance.
Susan: Yes. Well, anytime he has performance.
Susan: anxiety and he's. Stressed, he's going to worry too. And he's gonna feel like he needs to make this instant erection. 'cause his job is to ejaculate and get you pregnant. So I really feel like the relaxation, the holding is going to help him a lot. The connection, getting things off your chest, getting your hearts reconnected.
Susan: And then as he's giving you a yoni massage, one of the things that you can also do is you can give him a little lingham massage. Massage afterward. Lingham is the tantric love [00:20:00] making word for penis, and that with the beautiful oils, the pleasure protocol or the lover's bundle, and then that's going to help him gain his erection because he's more relaxed afterward.
Susan: If he has erectile dysfunction specifically, and it's not just pressure, I recommend the nitric oxide, the. The get flow free.com
Michelle: So that's good
Susan: I.
Michelle: men and women.
Susan: It's men and women. We all love the same parts, and I recommend using a vacuum erection device, a penis pump, and getting gains wave treatments. If he has ed, you can reverse it, and the penis pump that I recommend is at.
Susan: Pumps work.com and you need to give him some space to pump. But if he pumps a couple of times a week, it'll really help with his firmness and blood flow in his penis. And then if [00:21:00] that's not enough, and he's quite Erect, highly challenged, if you will then find a Gains Wave practitioner in your area, gains wave.com/susan will have a directory.
Susan: But what it also has, and I don't get paid for this. But I have a custom page for it because I did get a seventh treatment free for my fans and followers. And so if you go to gaines wave.com/susan, G-A-I-N-S-W-A-V-E, you will get a promo code and you'll be able to find a doctor in your area that can do these acoustic wave treatments to the penis, which rejuvenate the penile tissue and work perfectly in conjunction with the penis pumping and the nitric oxide.
Susan: So if he shows up at a gains wave doctor and he is like, I've been doing penis pumping and I've been taking nitric oxide and I'm still not as hard as I wanna be, I'm still not as sure I can get as hard as I want. Your Gains wave.
Susan: doctor's gonna be like, [00:22:00] that was, that was good advice. Wow. You've saved me a lot of time.
Susan: 'cause I was gonna have you do those things too. So that's the stack for getting back your erectile erectile function.
Michelle: Yeah. 'cause I have heard that and I, I imagine it's very frustrating because the women are like, okay, well we have like this window. And now I think, you know, there was a lot of pressure on the men and I think a lot of it's psychological because they feel like they have to perform. So I think it really impacts both, both partners.
Susan: Yes.
Michelle: And then talk about oxytocin. One of my favorite topics,
Michelle: 'cause I think it's so, like, I, I say the same thing and it's not you probably saw there's not a lot of research on it for fertility. They always talk about it for labor, not so much for fertility.
Susan: well, there's a couple things. One, it creates uterine receptivity. So You also get improved lubrication and increased cervical mucosal production, which aids in, you know, [00:23:00] moving the sperm up toward the cervix. So
Susan: that's important.
Michelle: Now, before, actually, before we go into this, talk about what oxytocin is, just for people who are hearing it for the first time.
Susan: Yeah, oxytocin is not Oxycontin.
Michelle: Yes,
Susan: a
Michelle: right. Different oxy.
Susan: It's a hormone, it's a master hormone. It's actually a master signaling molecule in your body. It actually regulates a lot of your estrogen modulation as well. It's also kind of, you could think about it like the anti antidote to cortisol. It lowers your stress. And cortisol is a fertility blocker, so you wanna make sure that you are getting enough oxytocin. And the problem is that oxytocin is. It's the hormone that definitely bonds you to your infant. You make it during breastfeeding. You make it during skin to skin contact with your male partner. Women are generating more oxytocin than their male partner.
Susan: So men [00:24:00] really need it from us to lower their stress, which is why sex lowers their stress. One of the biggest reasons. There's many reasons. But that's an important one. And then oxytocin is really interesting because. It's made by your adrenals and your gut together. So you know how most of, so much of our. Hormones are made in our gut, not just, you know, in our adrenals and things like that or our ovaries for estrogen or our testicles for testosterone or what have you. It's interesting that oxytocin is a very fragile molecule because the bacteria that makes it is a very delicate bacteria called lactobacillus rooti. And it's a, it's a milk-based lac, you know, lactobacillus and like lacto. Like milk and anytime we've taken antibiotics, we've killed off a lot, if not all of our [00:25:00] lactobacillus ide, and we've all pretty much been subject to having to take antibiotics in the modern world. And so we tend to be low oxytocin producers.
Susan: When you start to feed your gut with lactobacillus Rooti, you start to generate oxytocin again, and then all of a sudden you are, you feel closer to your husband, you feel closer to your other children, you feel closer to your family, you feel closer to. Friends, you start to find awe in things. You tend to feel more emotion, positive, pro-social emotions, people annoy you less, which we need in our world today. Because there's a lot of external forces annoy, irking the shit out of all of us right. now, and that's a problem. We also need it to appreciate art and nature and beauty. We start to lose that, and then it attenuates our happiness, and then [00:26:00] we feel a little depressed. And so it's very good for feeling distant, disconnected, depressed, sad annoyed by people stressed out.
Susan: The way that I do it is I follow Dr. William Davis' recipes for the yogurt. That, and I'd be happy to introduce you to Dr. Bill. He is such a doll.
Susan: And
Michelle: um, did he read Super Gut
Susan: Yeah. Super?
Susan: gut wheat belly un doctored.
Michelle: Amazing.
Susan: Oh, I'll introduce you to him. He's, he will do your show. He's the most beautiful man. I love him so
Michelle: I, I, his book was fascinating.
Susan: Yep, he is.
Susan: And he taught me and a million other women how to make oxytocin yogurt at home. And I use a luli maker. And I just inoculate, I use milk, but you can also use nut milks 'cause I also make nut milk at home. I make it with
Susan: my
Susan: almond
Michelle: milk.
Susan: Coconut milk. I just don't like [00:27:00] all the trash from all the milk containers, so I just make my own.
Susan: I don't want the thickeners and all the garbage
Michelle: Exactly. No, but they have um, I found, native Forest, they do not add anything for, and it's organic coconut milk.
Susan: That's good. And you're still making trash, Well, you're still filling up a landfill.
Michelle: but this is true. This is true. I see what you're saying. Yeah.
Susan: Making your own nut milk is the easiest thing in the world with an almond cow nut milk maker. You just throw the nuts in with some water, it spins it up, and you got nut milk.
Michelle: That's awesome.
Susan: It's, and what's nice is you can make your nut milk combinations, like you can put the mac, a little macadamia nut in there with
Susan: your cashews.
Susan: It's called the almond cow.
Michelle: Oh, that's awesome. I It's, it's So fricking good
Michelle: is why I love having this podcast. I
Susan: I know you learn so many things, Right. Yeah.
Susan: And then I make my own yogurt. I make it with half and half 'cause I like the fat 'cause I like that fatty 15 Pentec NOIC acid, which is so good for your heart health that comes [00:28:00] from fat milk. But it's, you know, it's made into yogurt so it's, it's good for you.
Susan: And it's inoculated with the lactobacillus ide, which you, I make mine for 48 hours. And on on a hundred degrees. And so it's high colonizing units, so you're getting a lot of root eye. And so sometimes like the small, some days I'll make like yogurt with berries, a little bit of like sprouted granola and my collagen powder and my creatine and my protein whe and I mix it all together and I eat it for breakfast.
Michelle: awesome.
Susan: But this morning I had a bunch of cut up peaches and so I made a peach smoothie with my almond cow almond milk, my, my Lactobacillus Ri yogurt, and then all those other powders that I put in it, you know, that I use for my health, for my body building and my
Michelle: It's a lot easier than it sounds.
Michelle: I will say this, if [00:29:00] anybody's a stack of powder things, you throw 'em in with some nut milk and some yogurt and some fruit, and you're done,
Michelle: Yeah, they have yogurt makers on Amazon. You can find all kinds and it just basically keeps it at a certain temperature for two days.
Susan: Yeah. The one I recommend is Lu Valley,
Susan: L-U-V-E-L-E because it will do a hundred degree temperature hold. It does a hundred, a hundred, and it does it like 80. Something a hundred and 104. Most yogurt makers make yogurt really fast, and so they're at too high a temperature and they kill off the lactobacillus root ide.
Susan: That's how delicate it is. Once you get your oxytocin stores reestablished, it changes your life. It's nuts. When you go from being low in oxytocin to high in oxytocin, you literally shift your joy. It is
Michelle: Yeah.
Susan: crazy. So I think oxytocin is very [00:30:00] important for women trying to conceive, but It's also just important for alls y'alls, right?
Susan: Like feed it to your husband, feed it to your kids. It's super good.
Michelle: It's so good. I can't even tell you. So it's, it's so interesting because oxytocin raises around ovulation and it raises around for women and it raises after orgasm and there's just, you know, it has to have an element for conception and Chinese medicine. There's a direct relation and connection between the heart and the uterus.
Michelle: And oxytocin's the love hormone opens the heart. So in order to open the uterus, you need to open the heart. So when do we open the uterus? We open it for menstruation. We open it to receive life, and we open it to give life. Once you have life, you open it for labor. And what does oxytocin do? It actually starts the labor process and contractions.
Michelle: So there's so much more to oxytocin [00:31:00] than people are hearing. And I find it fascinating. I love that you're talking about this 'cause not everybody talks about this.
Susan: Yeah. well, bill taught me everything, bill and Dr. Lindsay Berkson. I don't know if you know Dr. Lindsay, Vicki Berkson. I could introduce you to her too. She is a hormone scholar. She wrote a really good book on oxytocin, or she wrote a really good book on hormones called Sexy Brain, which is really interesting.
Susan: And she's working on a book on oxytocin, as is Bill. So you know, it's. It's just gonna, we're gonna become more and more and more aware of the benefits of oxytocin. It changed my life, like I'm a, I'm an entirely different, happier, more calm, more grounded, more in love person. Now it has really opened my heart.
Michelle: That's amazing and I think that that's what it is. It's like you can really, and this is what I always say, I say it sounds. Crazy for people who are really [00:32:00] in the thick of it and kind of stressed out through the fertility journey. When you're first initially going through the doctor's visits and everything gets taken out, like almost the romance of life gets taken out.
Michelle: But I say that there, there can be a time where you can actually find that joy back before baby, before having that goal and just having that, that part, the joy is what really. Will open you up even more to that conception. And there was a study that was even done. Laughter therapy and how laughter therapy improves the chances of conception where IVF transfers succeeding.
Michelle: So it's really fascinating and that also opens the heart. It also opens that, that joy and that ultimately when we're in that state of joy, we're present in the present moment. It's almost like a, this is what comes to my mind. Stop and smell the orgasm.
Susan: Ah, that's so [00:33:00] cute. Yeah.
Susan: I think I would have been a better mother. Not that I was a bad mother. I was a good mother. But I would've had more joy in my motherhood had I had better oxytocin stores. They were, they were very, I can tell, I know they were low compared to how I feel now that I've re, you know, reestablished my oxytocin stores and I eat that yogurt. So I think that that's a very interesting thing, is that you're also going to enjoy motherhood more if you establish, reestablish your oxytocin production.
Michelle: So
Susan: And you'll be less annoyed by your husband, which is helpful too.
Michelle: Of course, you'll be less annoyed by a lot of
Michelle: things.
Susan: all people, which is really nice.
Michelle: It is really nice and I, I will also, also meditation. I'm very big on Joe Depen on one of the things that he talks about a lot in his retreats or his meditations. He really [00:34:00] focuses on the heart center and HeartMath. And so when you're connecting and having that, and even like the meta meditation, so when you get into this kind of state of loving, you know, even cuddling with your pet, you know, those kind of things naturally can induce oxytocin.
Susan: Yeah. Well, it's funny too, because I was thinking about, you know, when I started this conversation with you, I said, what I do is I write heart connected, conscious, passionate, love making techniques. I was, that's literally, I've said that phrase a gazillion times because that's what I do.
Susan: My, that's like my tagline. I transform having sex into making love.
Michelle: Yes.
Susan: Because all we see is porn, male dominated views of what sexuality is, intercourse or oriented. So like me coming here on your show and talking about eating [00:35:00] yogurt and having yoni massages is a very. Different exper and having, you know, sex dates where you learn things while you're making love, rather than you're just doing the old, eh, eh, eh, which you do that for 11 years.
Susan: Tell me if you wanna still have sex with your husband. I didn't. It wasn't good enough for me to just do that. Even if I had one orga, it wouldn't have been enough. I like too many other things. I need a lot more fun in bed. And speaking of fun. Here's a little piece of wisdom that was handed down, which goes exactly with what you were saying, and that is that, when we were trying to conceive and we struggled for a few years, I my, my girlfriend said, well, what we did when we were trying to get pregnant, we struggled, was we would make love. And then I would lie there and I would put my butt up on a pillow and my, my husband and I would say, go, guys. Go. Go, guys.
Susan: Go. And we would do this little like [00:36:00] chant to encourage the sperm to make it up through the cervix and impregnate
Susan: me. And we did that.
Susan: one time and I conceived after years of trying from Go guys, go. Just from having fun with it, relaxing and having fun. It also helped that I quit my entrepreneurial job and I got a job with a company and I got pregnant almost right away because I didn't have to make payroll every week anymore, which was
Susan: stressful for
Michelle: got out of survival.
Susan: Yes. I got out of survival, so that was good too, but I think it was Go guys, go.
Michelle: Yes. That's amazing. I love it. You are so much fun. I'm really
Susan: Oh girl, you don't know the half of it.
Michelle: oh, I'm sure I am sure. That's great. But honestly, but that's what it is. It's like full of life. And that's, that really comes down to, it's not [00:37:00] just, it's not just about the pleasure, it's the pleasure of life. 'cause it can obviously be in the bedroom, but.
Michelle: You're talking about embodying it and really having that oxytocin in your life and you know, you can start to enjoy the moments and there's more romance and joy in life in general. And that to me is life giving. 'cause when you're in the present moment, you have more of that life force vitality flowing.
Susan: Definitely. That's the heart connection. You can't be somewhere else. Connected in heart.
Michelle: Oh, I love that. That is so good.
Susan: And conscious. Conscious is we're here together in this moment, and we're not just connected to each other. We're connected to all. We're connected to Gaia, we're connected to source, lovemaking, orgasmic bliss, the conjoin trance, state of pleasure.
Susan: These connect us to [00:38:00] all that is conscious.
Michelle: Yes.
Susan: And when you conceive your baby with those, you know those qualities, you're making a beautiful baby.
Michelle: That's amazing. I love that. Yeah, it's it, well, I always say love is life giving. It has that, there's a different energy. So it's kind of like, are you identified with just the material, the physical. Or is there that something else? Because if we were just physical, then cadavers would walk and they don't, and what is that extra something that makes us move and that connection that warms our bodies, you know, that's that Life force Qi Vitality.
Michelle: So we are way more than that physical envelope envelope that we we're, you know, walking around in.
Susan: exactly. I do love my Qi.
Michelle: Oh yeah, the chi overflows.
Susan: Yeah.
Michelle: That is awesome. So for people listening to this that are like, I want more, [00:39:00]
Susan: Yeah.
Michelle: can they find you? Like, how can they like find your offerings? What are, what are, give us all the things.
Susan: It's easy. Better lover.com. That's what I teach people how to do, is how to become a better lover because better lovers are made not born. Some people have good kinesthetic skills, which helps. Some people have to develop that.
Susan: but generally. Anybody can make a baby. Procreation is not generally difficult.
Susan: It's a penis in a vagina, some semen, and you get a baby. Sometimes you get more babies than you want, right? I mean, it's, it, Yes. there's a lot that goes into it. There's a lot of things you can do. We live in a more stressful world now, but generally. It's a pretty straightforward process, but making love, having 20 kinds of orgasms, having skills, knowing your anatomy, how to know what you want and ask for [00:40:00] it, how to do oral pleasuring, orgasmic intercourse, I mean, all the things.
Susan: How to have a sex life that keeps getting better over time instead of swirling down the toilet. It doesn't come from doing tab A into slot B over and over and over again. Comes from having a sex life bucket list, having novelty and variety, being willing to communicate, being willing to learn, trying things, finding your freaks, you know, and there's lots of 'em, and they're fun and they change.
Susan: As you mature, you get better in bed. As you get older, you get better. At orgasming, you get better at everything. Good sex and being a better lover is a lifetime mastery op opportunity. And one that keeps you living longer. Having a healthier and happier life because when you extend your sex span, you extend your health [00:41:00] span.
Susan: So if you wanna have a baby with this person and you wanna have a great life together, having great. Intimacy is a cornerstone to keeping that going. So why not start with this opportunity where you have these windows to hit? Have fun in the windows.
Michelle: I love it. This
Susan: Good.
Michelle: This is probably really what. Of my top episodes. It was a lot of fun.
Susan: Oh, I'm
Michelle: Yeah. And you're really good at what you do and you're good at describing it. You like really hit the points perfectly. So it was really enjoyable for me. I
Michelle: have to say
Michelle: I enjoyed it. I know that almost sounds like it has more meaning,
Susan: Nope, it
Susan: sounds good.
Michelle: Yeah. No, but but this is amazing. So thank you so much Susan for coming on. I really enjoyed this episode.
Susan: Me too. Thank you so much. Love you and love and appreciate all the [00:42:00] work that you do.
Michelle: Same here. Awesome.